Grammy Redux

(Frank Ocean at the Grammys)

Enjoy the D Man's Grammy redux.  Nothing eloquent here, just my real-time, off-the-cuff remarks as the show progresses.

• Taylor Swift opens the show with a Mad Hatter-themed performance of "We Are Never Getting Back Together."  It is okay.  I like Swift.  But after watching another night of wannabe epic performances, The D Man is still waiting for anything remotely as interesting as Radiohead's tag-team with the USC marching band in 2009.
• Ed Sheeran is still blowing up.  He was electric when we saw him open for Snow Patrol and had no idea who he was.  Though "The A Team" is a pleasant song, it doesn't help having Sir Elton John at the piano.  He sounds bloated and way past his prime.
• Fun wins an award.  I suppose their singles are decent enough on first listen, but they already seem disposable, so last week.  Not sure how you can throw their entire album on and enjoy it more than once.  (Note: my five-year old enjoys "We Are Young," which seems about right).
• Mrs. D Man on John Mayer: "He has such a giant head and face."  I opt out of my funny comeback regarding his current girlfriend Katy Perry.
• Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley.  Kind of boring.  Did you know Lambert is married to Blake Shelton?  Well, you should know that.
• Miguel is smooth.  He sings his smash R&B hit "Adorn" and sounds pristine. And even skinny Wiz Kalifa's little rap breakdown is fitting.  Nice moment.
• Carrie Underwood wins an award for a completely underwhelming song.  But she is still pretty and classy, so that's something.
• Johnny Depp looks even more like Keith Richard now.
• So Mumford & Sons play their banjos fast.  Sorry, but they just feel like posers.  Though their stuff is decent and middling, their fans act like they have brought something new to the table.  It feels gameplanned by the suits.  Go listen to Whiskeytown.  The Avett Brothers.  Something.
• Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z.  Their performance of "Suit & Tie" confirmed (again) that they are real superstars.
• Chris Brown recently sucker punched Frank Ocean in a studio parking lot.  But Ocean beats him up in the new "Best Urban Contemporary Album" category, whatever that is.
• The Black Keys win a Grammy for "Lonely Boy."  A real rock'n'roll band still selling some records.  Good for them.
• Maroon 5 performs with Alicia Keys.  Do any real men actually buy their records?
• Kelly Clarkson wins for "Stronger."  Didn't that song come out five years ago?  She gives one of the better acceptance speeches, though.  Funny and sincere.
• Rihanna strips down her performance in the hopes she has one of those, "hey, did you see her stripped down performance" moments?  She looks pretty in a black dress with bright red lipstick.  Sometimes that will have to be enough.  Because you know she is back with Chris Brown, right?  Pretty much the biggest douche on the planet.  The fact that she is rolling with him tells you something about her spectacular lack of judgment.
• "No Church in the Wild" wins a Grammy.  Mrs. D Man says: "You can pick Jay-Z's voice out of a lineup."  I'm pretty sure she doesn't mean that as a dig.
• Kelly Clarkson can really sing.  I always say that about people that I don't listen to, but that clearly have some vocal prowess.
• The Bob Marley tribute is mostly fun.  The D Man is not going to lie, it pained me to see Sting shilling on a Bruno Mars song with the genius lyric "your sex takes me to paradise."  But we get to hear "Walking on the Moon" and one of the best bass lines of all time.  So it's a wash. 
• Jack White plays "Love Interruption" and "Freedom at 21."  He still shreds.  He is still cool.
• We skipped right through Hunter Hayes.  God bless the DVR.
• Text from Rizzo: "Prince is a lower case god."  He doesn't hurt this image by employing a needless walking cane during his walk to the microphone.  When Gotye wins "Record of the Year" for "Someone that I Used to Know," he is blinded by Prince's presence and can't stop thanking him.  Prince just makes people do that sort of thing.
• "Take Five."  Nice nod to Dave Brubeck.
• The Levon Helm tribute is great.  "The Weight."  T-Bone Burnett, Zac Brown, Mavis Staples, Brittany Howard, Sir Elton.  Much deserved.
• Frank Ocean leaves the nation scratching their head with his rendition of "Forrest Gump."  Though the visuals are entertaining, the song choice is perplexing.  Channel Orange is an instant classic, you have a chance to introduce yourself to the world, and you choose to sing the 11th best track on your "Best Urban Contemporary Record?"  Methinks he outsmarted himself on this one.
• Of the five albums nominated for "Album of the Year," the worst one wins.  Mumford & Sons' Babel.  The D Man could have lived with Frank Ocean, The Black Keys, or Jack White.  Oh well, you can't expect the The Suburbs scenario every year, or even every decade for that matter.
• Strange ending to the show.  Chuck D (sans Flava Flav) rocks out to a generic rap with LL Cool J.  They throw in a couple nods to MCA, but the Grammys miss a big chance to honor the Beastie Boy the right way.
• Going to bed.