Grammy Redux

The Grammy Awards have become fairly ridiculous and an exercise in excess. (Not to mention the bloated and contrived music industry "moments"). So naturally The D Man slogged his way through the entire affair so he could bring you some semblance of sanity. Enjoy. (Mrs. D Man's comments are in italics).

• Lady Ga-Ga arrives! “She is so gross.” The D Man wonders whether Madonna was ever this contrived, and then a soot-covered Elton John shows up for a duet. Close call.
• Song of the Year? "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. At least my son knows the version from The Chipmunks.
• On Jennifer Lopez: “She’s got a major girdle on. No way.”
• Green Day is now in rarified company--one of the most overrated best-selling bands of all time. Green Day the Musical? Did The Seussical end its run? We are a long way from “Longview.”
• On one of Green Day's musical singers: “She must be a meth addict or something because her skin is awful.”
• Tired of Taylor Swift acting so surprised. That is all.
• Beyonce going with the Tina Turner Beyond Thunderdome look. No complaints here. But I am surprised to see her without two ladies next to her that have had their thighs carefully measured. Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
• Just noticed Weird Al in the crowd. Finally. 51 million youtube views cannot be wrong.
• "Nicole Kidman's face looks like Play-Dough. Molded.”
• Was Pink getting ready for a Vulcan wedding? Man she was bad. I felt violated when she took off her robes. “Ooh, she’s wet, honey. They dipped her in water.”
• Zac Brown Band as Best New Artist? How out of touch is this show? Keeps breaking new barriers every year.
• The D Man's best joke of the night: “At least the Peas will bring the Boom Boom Pow.” (Giggles). Lyric of the Year has to be "Mazel tov." But I'm not gonna lie. Loved the dancing boom-box guys. I think the Timpview drill team must have let the Peas borrow their costumes.
• Lady Antebellum was really singing. Good for them. Not a bad song either. A Fleetwood Mac-style burner.
• I voted for “Livin' on a Prayer," if you were wondering.
• Record of the Year goes to “Use Somebody” by The Kings of Leon. Given the inadequate category choices, not so bad.
• Robert Downey, Jr. is on fire. And he knows it. Jamie Foxx, not so much. He is starting to get on my nerves with the whole double-threat thing. Leave that to Neon Deon. And why keep pretending to sing if everyone knows you are not singing and apparently does not care if you sing?
• “I’m just imagining your Dad watching this and it makes me laugh.”
• Slash appears for a shill-out solo. (Sigh).
• Mary J. Blige performs at every awards show. If she is not careful, she could become the female Stevie Wonder.
• Green Day wins Rock Album of the Year. Somewhere people cared.
• The Zac Brown Band had to pretend they were stoked to play with the legendary Leon Russell, right? No matter. A half-way decent performance. Cold beer on a Friday night. Pair of jeans that fit just right.
• On Stevie Nicks: “Her voice is so raspy.” The D Man: “That is because she’s got a quarter-sized hole in her nose from all the coke she snorted.”
• Lionel Richie comes out. “Yeeesssss.” Smoothest presenter of the night. And it is not even close.
• Was I supposed to get 3D glasses for the tribute to Michael Jackson’s tribute to the planet earth? Thankfully I stole a pair after Avatar.
• Michael’s alleged kids accepting a word on his behalf. Creepy. Grammy people, get a clue.
• Lyric of the Night: “I highjacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold.” Sheesh. Thanks, Bon Jovi.
• Bocelli can sing. Refreshing. Mary J. Blige brought the goods too. She can come back next year. Just don’t sing “Superstitious.”
• The Dave Matthews Band? What can The D man say? At least they are good musicians, sound tight, and know how to play to a large audience.
• Maxwell was DYNAMITE. Classy. Talented. “My favorite performance so far.”
• Still a fan of dead artist montages.
• On Lil' Wayne: “I don’t know how his pants stay on when he’s running around like that.” Half his song with Eminem and T-Pain was blocked out. Mercifully.
• Strange, Taylor Swift’s Fearless didn’t make The D Man’s Top Twenty List. Oh well, there is always next year when Vampire Weekend wins. Ummm, wait.